Step 1. Breathe.
Workplace matters are my expertise honed with years of education and experience. I believe humanity adds value to-business. ‘And-thinking’, critical thinking and using logic/emotion arrays to make better decisions are core to my method. Logic + interconnectedness are critical. I also believe in using the struggle of our human existence to improve life. Just like you, I read blogs. I love the articles on how to be more beautiful in ten easy steps. How to improve your productivity in five simple steps. My reality is that there are no ten easy steps nor has there ever been. I’ve begun to think that perpetuating the veil of fix-it fast-and-easy allows us to believe that there will be a magic pill and we may avoid the real work.
Life has been a gritty struggle for me. Two steps forward, ten back. Climb the hill only to find a bigger hill. The ten easy steps to be smart, awesome, healthy … you name it, blogs are fun because it allows me, just for a moment, to relinquish the idea that to become the person I am supposed to be is a constant effort to consciously interrupt my subconscious. You see – I have a propensity to move back to self-shame and questioning. Even as an executive at one of the top craft breweries in the US, I was in a state of constant self-questioning. As the VP of HR part of my job was to assess issues and determine consequences. With each situation, I would intensely listen and then commence my self-questioning of my capabilities and worth. I am not able to judge others without self-judgment. Some said that this questioning state kept me humble, connected, and more objective, but the reality is that it is exhausting. It is also very, very rewarding work. But again, to be great leaders of others or self, we have to be better.
So many of us did not grow up in upper-middle-class families. I had my first child when I was 15. I now have three adult children and three grandchildren and I still have a bit to go before I’m 50. My older sister cared for me as did my foster parents, teachers and my non-traditional family unit. I was furiously driven to make a life for my children, but that didn’t stop me from chronically fumbling. I had to find my light in work, health, family, and relationships. But when you are in an abusive or neglectful environment, the light isn’t always apparent. It goes dark. It hides. There are shadows. I realize now more than ever that privilege gives you entre to the light. It may not necessarily keep you there, but it does open doors. For the rest of us, we have to do a lot of work to pry open doors. You could classify me as a white, middle class, well-educated, female with European descent. Or, you could classify me as orphaned, poverty-class, teen mom with Hispanic familial ties. All would be correct depending on what taxonomy you chose or how you like to label.
I know what it is like to get free food from the food bank. I know what it is like to sit for hours at the welfare office. I know what it is like to have poor to mediocre medical care. I know what it is like to not be waited on because I’m not polished or posh. I know what it is like to be told to your face that you are nothing but a statistic and a failure. More importantly, my children were written off and doomed because I brought them into the cycle of poverty.
I put myself into the cycle and I worked to try to claw out. The clawing has been years of work. But, more important than the “hard” work is the brain work. I can’t tell you 10 easy steps how to break the cycle, but I can tell you that there is a fundamental, conscious, intentional shift to move from survival brain to open brain. The open brain is healthy and able to identify noise and focus better on what matters. The open brain sees individual self-worth and the depth of beauty in others. With the open brain, every person is a teacher. Even as success comes, the survival brain stays engaged until consciously interrupted. Those survival neuropathways are deep. It is strong and can easily take over. The survival brain is unnecessarily competitive. It perpetuates low self-worth and needs to one-up others to prove worth. It likes other survival brains and likes to associate with this community. Of course, the survival brains are correct and others aren’t. It can’t see the beauty of the forest. It can’t see magic. It can’t see potential. It sees the next thing to attack or defend. Most importantly, it can’t listen and learn as well. The survival brain argues; the open brain debates. The survival brain judges; the open brain inquires. The survival brain can become a victim of circumstance, but of course, that is it’s purpose – to survive circumstance. The open brain can see light. Both brains fear but in different ways.
The survival brain is important. But, so is the open brain, arguably more so in our technologically connected society. The key is learning to make a conscious choice of mindset and successfully toggling between the two resulting in wiser choices and a better presence. This is deep shit folks. It’s complex because we are complex. Let’s love our depth, even though it is easier to read about the five easy steps to success and happiness. But, if you want to make your change real, do the deep work. It doesn’t happen overnight, but the more time you spend opening your mind you will have some profound epiphanies from time to time. Make them work for you. Don’t waste them. But, for now …
Step 1 – breathe. No, really breathe – deep, soulful breaths.
