jen briggs

Check out my friend’s post on NBC’s new rules on workplace hugging. This rules and compliance emphasis just kills me. And, if we can be honest with ourselves – how well do rules really work? Certainly, it will make some people think, deter some behaviors, and set a system of consequences. But, if the power-centers in the workplace have been able to avoid the consequences in the past, what will be different now?

First, let me give you my personal disclosures – Yes, I belong to the #metoo group, so none of what I write should be deemed as dismissive of any harassment or imposed power dysfunction. I am socially liberal, but a fervent independent. Dogma should be out, critical thinking in.

Coming from working in a huggy-culture for thirteen years, I’ve seen quite a bit. There was also the classic European-style cheek kiss-kiss greeting.The vast majority of work-related interactions were born from strong mutual respect and personal responsibility.  Of course, there was the occasional creepy hug, the superficial pat-hug, the not-used-to-this-new-person hug, the I-like-this-too-much hug and the just right hug. Some people simply did not like to be touched or hugged and they made people aware of it and they were respected. The bottom line when there is a culture of respect and responsibility you can put the value for human needs over robotic compliance. Having positive, healthy, nurturing relationships at work is essential and should be our collective first line of thinking. As much as I’d like to say the golden rule of showing up like an adult can stand, we know there is no such thing as has been modeled by our Presidents Trump and Clinton. If they can use their power as leaders of the free world to demonstrate inappropriate conduct, who’s the real role model for what a strong adult should be?

This is where we go back to needing to set the norms and standards for workplace conduct. Certainly, rules are one way, but a strong, more effective way, is role modeling and dialog. When respect is constant, being responsible in dialog is possible. This is not to say a person experiencing unwanted conduct must be the only person speaking up. People witnessing uncomfortable situations must also speak up. There has to be a line for communicating and reporting that is unbiased and understanding. But, making a rule to do so is only a symptom of a much deeper dysfunction of the workplace. It is this dysfunction that must be handled or the symptoms will persist.

This respect/responsibility approach is absolutely not a position of no boundaries and a chaotic or laissez-faire workplace. Strong leadership is needed to set the frontier of what is possible and what is expected – not only for results, but how we act on our way to achieving those results. In many ways, this type of leadership is more challenging because it is systemic and about developing the community mindset. Rules and compliance are a more straightforward way to go, but also more shortsighted. Rules can be a crutch for the solution that is really needed. This type of enforcement comes from a place of fear. Leading from an environment of fear is no good for anyone. I think fear is the opposite of freedom.

What to do? Uncover the real norms. Deal with them. Rewire the collective neurology of the company through daily displays of respect and responsibility. Just like each of our brains, the corporate brain becomes embedded and stuck. Get unstuck and open the work-world for a new and better way of being. No tacit approval for favorite people acting in inappropriate ways. No overt approval for the powerful taking advantage of their position.

Now, back to hugging. Some hugs will be too hot, some too cold, and then most – just right. But getting everyone tuned in to what just right means to each person will take time, responsibility, openness, and most of all respect. Working in a sanitized workplace? Swinging the pendulum to the extreme opposite of the prevailing negative norms? Let’s watch what that will do for engagement and productivity.